Today is all about Santa Fe heart, but it’s not such a big thing actually. It’s simply because I went for a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood yesterday. And I felt – optimism.
Sunset over the Jemez mountains. Santa Fe.
I also spoke to my friend Nancy and I realized how much I missed her voice! Another friend sent a note that read, “Where the heck are you???” You know those moments when you realize you’re loved and missed? That’s the best heart feeling in the world. Continue reading →
I’ve never thought of myself as an overachiever, but I certainly don’t think I’m an underachiever. So when my doctor told me my thyroid was “under-performing”, I looked at her with total disbelief.
“My thyroid?” Impossible.
First of all, what is a thyroid? And here the student in me began doing a ton of research. There are several great websites out there with information. My favorite is the Mayo Clinic health information site. I’m also lucky to have friends who are doctors as well and I count on them to talk me off the medical ledge.
I guess the irony of this is that I’ve always had a pretty fast metabolism which is one of the main things the thyroid, located in your neck region, regulates. So my thyroid and I have been BFFs for most of my life. For it to get cold on me now feels like a betrayal. But I’m not angry at my thyroid. I’m actually sad that my brain is pounding it with signals to wake up and get to work, but my thyroid just sits there like Jabba the Hutt, opening and closing its mouth with very little activity.
Maybe I was too hard on my thyroid growing up, eating whatever I wanted and trusting it to do its job without knowing what was happening to it. Or maybe the inordinate stresses of the past year, ending a serious relationship, quitting one job to start a new business, were just the straws that broke the thyroid’s back. Or maybe none of this matters. Maybe it’s just what happens as we get older, that our bodies find ways of telling us what our minds and hearts don’t want to believe.
That said it’s not the end of the world. There are great medications available to treat this issue and though my thyroid may never be what it was, I can help it out from this day forward by doing my part.
Actions
1. See the doctor once a year. I visit my primary care doctor annually and have been doing so for as long as I can remember. Routine check of this and that, but suddenly, something pops up that’s not so routine. The upside of regular visits is that a problem can be addressed sooner rather than later, greatly increasing the odds of successful treatment and management.
2. Don’t shy away, deal with it. Even though it bothers me tremendously, of course I followed my doctor’s advice, picked up my medicine and started taking it today – maybe for the rest of my life. I feel like I should mark that somehow in something besides my calendar.
3. Look at the bright side. My friend Katie is a doctor and she said, “Just think how much better you’re going to feel once you start taking the medication. You will have so much more energy. You’re going to be unstoppable.”
Lessons
1. Never take your health for granted. All of the other pieces of the Got Ennui? pie fall to the wayside when your health comes under fire. Pay your health the attention it deserves, especially physical health. From there spiritual and emotional health can take root and blossom. Prioritize your health.
2. Embrace your body’s changes. This is true especially for health issues you can quickly get your arms around. Individuals who take on even greater physical health challenges should be considered heroes.
One year has passed since I quit my finance job. Crazy, but I believe it because I can hardly remember what it felt like to commute into the office, sit there for 8 hours a day in front of a computer and then commute home. I do remember vividly though that one morning I sat waiting for my bus, and once it arrived, I just sat there and watched it go by. It was a jolting realization that – like the M79 – I was also just watching my life go by. It felt like this:
This is the first year where I feel like I really have two homes, one in NYC and the other in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Much of that is due to my life changing considerably over the past year where I now have “place flexibility” and can spend as much time in either city as I’d like since I’m not tied to a particular job location.
I first spent extended time out here in October 2012, but that was purely by accident. Force of nature, more precisely since Hurricane Sandy cancelled and postponed my efforts to get back east at the time…
After that, I will be off to the Aspen Institute for the summer Socrates conference before making my way back to the high humidity and general summer stickiness of mid-July in NYC.
For years now, I’ve wanted to make Santa Fe more of a home where I knew people in the community, where I was involved, and where I had a life basically. I’ve dabbled in those efforts over the years, but haven’t had the opportunity to make a real effort. Now that I’m here for a longer time (and will be here again later this year…), it’s time to change that. My NYCBFF gave me some ideas back in October. I need to put them into action. Continue reading →
Today there was a post on MSN called All-time Best Young Adult Books from the 80’s and the first one that showed was Double Love, the kick-starter for the Sweet Valley High series of books. I own one of the first copies of that book and probably of each book in the entire series. Who doesn’t love the Wakefield twins?
The article made me nostalgic. Seeing the cover was a reminder of how many years have gone by…
Today is also a big Heart and Home day because my mom (with good intentions, I know) asked my aunt to play matchmaker for me. It freaked me out! The action felt so desperate since we aren’t even that close to my aunt given the years spent apart. It made me think about the meaning of family and home. Is it enough to be related to someone by blood to overcome that distance of time and space? I’m skeptical. But what bothered me most was that my mom didn’t ask me first before reaching out to my aunt. I’m not a child, despite the cover of a Sweet Valley High book making me wish I was …
Being upset with my mom is worse than anything because I know she wants the best for me. We only spoke for four minutes. Four minutes in which time my mom hasn’t even begun updating me about her stock market purchases or on the status of her plants. I felt badly for the next several hours, angry and upset with her and with relationships gone by for putting me in what felt like a crummy situation.
Actions
1. Try to see the bright side of my mom involving my aunt. My aunt is a little neurotic so maybe her relentless energy will turn up a prince. Maybe a little crazy is just what I need to shake things up on the Heart front. Professional matchmakers?What about an arranged marriage?
2. Work on things that are in my hand. Today this includes writing a sample report for my independent analyst work, getting ready for a meeting on new story ideas for Debtwire, and setting up meetings for my Africa projects. I need to take actions to move away from the quicksand.
3. Watch Sunday night’s episode of Game of Thrones. I knew that death was coming to some of my favorite characters as George R.R. Martin’sRed Wedding dawned, but from what I’ve read on the internet, seeing it on screen appears to be a gruesome matter. At a minimum, it should be distracting. Plus, I’m going to be in Santa Fe soon, so keep an eye out for me, George!
Lessons
1. Don’t let bad feelings fester especially with people you love. There is something to be said about not going to bed angry and I think it holds true with all the important relationships in your life.
2. People generally want to be good though sometimes their actions indicate otherwise. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a tenet of Taking the High Road.
3. Breathe and let in the quiet. You are in control of you and the universe will answer your questions and needs in its own time. Be still. Be patient. Listen. Breathe.
Yesterday was one of the hardest days I’ve had in a while. It all started Wednesday actually when I officially found out that one of my main clients wouldn’t be continuing with our contract as structured. Basically, they had been paying me a monthly fee for a set number of hours. The money was great and I enjoyed working with the group. Even though I tried to take the high road to see that the contract wasn’t making sense from my point of view as well – meaning it didn’t further my bigger picture business model and I wasn’t doing any travel for them – but it was good income. Fact is, losing anything at the start-up stage feels like such a loss.
So I started off Thursday somewhat fragile to begin with. That, combined with hazy,hot and humid weather reaching 90 degrees, wilted me. The day continued with one mild disappointment after another. Everything ranging from a less than rejuvenating pedicure and time with NYCBFF to an extended wait at the doctor’s office for a somewhat depressing visit and culminating with – wait for it – accidentally stepping on a wayward skateboard in Columbus Circle and falling helter-skelter in front of a massive crowd of people. Continue reading →
Not feeling very productive today… Tail end of the holiday weekend causing some drag, but I also think it’s because I haven’t been to the gym. Losing the exercise routine is one of my main challenges when I spend extended time away from NYC. Working out drives so much of the rest of my day, including eating properly and getting work done.
But it’s not worth being too hard on myself since time moves along quickly and too many routines in our day-to-day aren’t always such a great thing, I suppose. Instead I should focus on enjoying the rest of this rainy day and getting the rest of the week sorted out in terms of what I need to do.
Action
1. Put money to work. I’ve said it before that I’m not the best at watching market ups and downs, so this is an area where I really have to make an effort. This week I need to spend some time thoughtfully putting my money to work for me. Earlier this month, I invested in a small health care ladder of stocks and now I’ve put some IRA money into a handful of active mutual funds rather than having retirement money sitting around in money market accounts and earning nothing. This blog can be helpful when it comes to making financial decisions.Continue reading →
I know I’m not the norm, but I do love rainy, chilly days. Living in NYC with its staggering summer humidity and ever-present dirt in the air, probably doesn’t make the most sense – especially when one of my best friends tells me I’d probably meet more like-minded people in the balmy California Bay Area. But this is home so I see this cold weather as a small gift to me before the summer heat and nasty cicadas descend.
On Work.
I headed up to Boston yesterday for a meeting with an old, favorite client who happens to be a very prominent bond investor. The meeting was better than I expected. We chatted a bit, he gave me their most recent portfolio which houses a staggering number of bonds and then went to lunch. Over a glass of Pinot Noir and delicious Bronzino (Boston really does have awesome seafood), we talked about my new company and the products I offer. He was delighted and so supportive. He’s going to work on getting me included in their company endeavors, domestic and – wait for it – international, especially with Africa! He even gave me a copy of an investment guide-book on Africa that he found useful.
But the kicker was when he asked me at one point about my investment needs. Huh? He asked, what do you need from investors? I still didn’t understand and he had to spell it out. He wanted to give me money or, I should say, invest money into my business. I was stunned. I hadn’t even thought of that as an option and it certainly wasn’t my ask. I don’t even know how that could work. I’m still trying to figure out the basics of my business model and get some consistently good contracts, but he has that much faith in the long-term survivability of what I’m doing.Where does support like that come from?Continue reading →
Today has been one of those frustrating days where I’ve spent hours trying to get an article written. The day is over and I have very, very little to show for my effort. I spent so much time playing around with financial data for one hospital, trying to find a story and then I dragged in another hospital to investigate and finally, I thought I had something.
When I started to write why I thought the proposed merger between these two hospitals didn’t make any sense, every word I wrote felt “blah”. Then, out of the blue, my editor alerts me to a news flash that the two hospitals I was trying to write about had called off their merger!
I’ll take it as a sign that maybe I’m supposed to write this piece since clearly is timely, but it’s not happening today. Continue reading →
Sometimes the chatter in your head can get so noisy, it’s hard to reflect or just be at peace. Even during this morning’s yoga class, which had the theme of “approach with quiet”, I could hear my thoughts spinning around. By the end of class though, when we sat still for several minutes, my mind was clear, but I could actually see a thought drifting along. It was like I was flying and the shore was behind me. There was a lighthouse. And this one thought. I can’t remember what it was now, or if it was really important and maybe that’s the point. If that were to be the last thought I had on this earth, would it be something memorable? Or would it just be something that drifted mindlessly into oblivion?
I like the idea of it being mindless. That all the things you meant to do while your feet were on this land, you did. So you can let the one nagging thought go. It’s probably not worth it in the end.
Yet, as life would have it, I’m already having to practice that resolve.Continue reading →
On Heart
